Your Words Become Your Actions? We Are Not Murderers of Children

Even more disturbing than the Newtown massacre of 20 children and six adults at an elementary school, is the trail of headlines about other young men 13-20 years old making comments on Facebook endorsing the violence against the school children.

A 13-year-old in Florida was recently arrested for making threatening comments about shooting everyone at school; in Ohio another 20-year-old was arrested for praising the Connecticut school shooting, and a California man, 24 years old, was also arrested for making threats against LA public schools and referred to the Connecticut school shooting.

Teen Arrested for Threat to Shoot Everyone

Teen Arrested for Praising Netown Shootings on Facebook

Man Arrested in Alleged Threat to LA Schools

And so I am compelled to ask, where does this kind of depraved thinking come from, and why would they even publish it?

Some people say that the supply of guns is to blame. Others will focus on the violence of video games. And yet still others will say that we have to get a better handle on mental illness among our youth. Some people are born with problems, as so eloquently described by Liza Long a writer who described how she struggles with a mentally ill teenager and cannot find decent help, in her article: “ I am Adam Lanza's Mother": It is time to talk about mental health”.  Her point is worthy of serious consideration. 

And it seems to me there are just so many ways power is abused with or without guns - we are living in a society that seems to glorify at the worst, or at the very least, accept violence as a form of entertainment and/or the bully in friendships, romance, workplaces and politics.

What eludes us still, and perhaps deserves more attention is the question of whether the media and our network culture (texting and social media) is conditioning children for less compassion and desensitizing kids about a lot of things - including their own inherent worth, common sense and human decency.

According to the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, American Academy of Family Physicians and American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry the media violence do affect children’s behavior, attitudes and values. An average child between ages 8 to 18 spends more time in front of the computer, television and game screens than any other activity except sleeping (Huston, 1992).  It is estimated that by the time the average child reaches the sixth grade, they will have seen about 100,000 acts of violence, which will include up to 8,000 simulated murders. 

A study released in 2011 from the Associated Press and MTV, the use of inappropriate language and offensive slurs is common language on the net between teens and they are not offended by discriminatory slang.  An online poll study that interviewed 1,355 youth ages 14-24 were surveyed and said they regularly encounter offensive words including “slut”, “fag” and “retard,” and 71% are more likely to use these kinds of words online.  They use this language because it’s perceived as being cool or funny.  So, it isn’t so farfetched to understand why the 13 year old Florida boy was completely comfortable posting the inappropriate comments endorsing the Newton shootings. It seems that young people aren’t worried about how this kind of content affects others both on line and off.   

Is all this exposure conditioning kids to loosen their boundaries on what’s acceptable to say or share on line?  Are they being conditioned to simply react with the first thing that comes to mind? According to this same poll, four out of ten surveyed had given little or no thought to how their texts or online posts could be passed onto others, and two thirds hadn’t even considered how this content could get them in trouble with either their parents, schools and the law for that matter. 

Are there no more inhibitions? Is the lifestyle we lead today taking away their capacity to think for themselves, discern truth, and communicate responsibly with a purpose?

Having two teenagers of my own, I am wondering about the influence the media, reality TV shows, the open forum of the internet is affecting their own ability to abide by a standard of online safety and respond to situations as responsible digital citizens.

So the question is, how do we help our youth to develop the ability to establish their own individual discernment to solve problems and respond to situations in ways that are edifying, add value and solve problems, as oppose to going along with what the crowd is doing?  How can we help our kids be aware and not fall victim to this “group think” mentality?

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The Authority in Me, by Joanna Jullien

Perhaps we need to examine in our own homes, with the advent of the Internet in and mobile phones redefining family life, are children today conditioned to lack the appropriate boundaries necessary to a) think correctly about their place and purpose in the world, and 2) exercise responsible freedom of speech?

In her book, The Authority In Me: The Power of Family Life in the Network Culture - A Parent’s Voice in the Network Culture, my friend and colleague, Joanna Jullien, who is a mother of two grown sons and a journalist dedicated to strengthening family relationships in a cyber-powered world, provides a compelling overview of how the Internet-powered lifestyle and other culture trends condition for us all for boundary violations. She advocates for parents to take inventory of their own thinking as authority figures in their children’s lives and leverage house rules for bonding around core values that respect the individual and hold individuals accountable for their actions.

What I like about her book is that she is advocating for parents to embrace fully the model of authority that made the republic of the United States possible - modeling their homes like “mini-republics”.  She also introduces the idea of the parent model to meet children where they are (emotionally/mentally), speak truth with mercy (explain the rules), do not judge, hold individuals accountable as we also offer our forgiveness of their transgressions, to look up and aim high and be empowered.

It is provocative and I believe she makes a good point that thought leadership for children at home is now much more important than ever. It seems like a good place to start.

For more on parenting in the Network culture please visit:

Banana Moments; Help for Parenting in the Network Culture

For more thoughtful discussions please visit:
3 Moms and a Mike Radio Show; Discuss Social Issues Affecting American Families

Future Prosperity for Youth in the Digital Age Requires More than a College Degree

There is a lot of hype and anxiety about getting kids past the hurdle of a college degree, but I have to wonder in all of our hand-wringing, haste and expense are we missing the point?

The other day as I was watching a PBS program on the pace and disruptive nature of technological advancement impacting energy, manufacturing and science fields, it became clear to me that the only thing for certain about the future is that it will not look like today.

The best evidence of this fact is that young adults are graduating from college with old expectations of what it means to gain and maintain employment as the job market is transforming. It is no longer a matter of simply applying to a position someone else created as with the economy and paradigm of the previous generation.

As a business owner and an educator of life skills training in personal finance and entrepreneurship, I observe that our present culture of education, while some excellent changes are being made to offer students options when it comes to their educational experience through personalized education programs on line and/or independent study programs,  K-12 programs are still not advanced enough to provide a curriculum that prepares our college bound students to understand how to pursue vocations that have not even been invented yet.  Education today is still focused on training them to take tests and regurgitate facts and follow directions. We seek compliance from our children. We are not encouraging them to think for themselves about their questions, interests and talents and to explore them.

So by the time they make it to college, they are not equipped to jump into the fray and flow of creative energy around the application of knowledge and technology to solve problems and make life better.

What they lack is the wisdom that comes from real experiences as creative, critical thinkers.

That being the case, we must ask ourselves how we are equipping children to capitalize on technology and emerging market trends resulting from change. And if we wait until children are in college to instill the kind of thinking required to capitalize on emerging opportunities it is very late in the game. In a competitive, global environment, our children need to be equipped early in life with the knowledge about what their interests and talents are and how to leverage them in productive and meaningful ways.

And we need to start early - in grade school. Below are some of the concepts that children can experience early and use for life.

What does it take to make change happen?

Understand the system

Learn how to work successfully within it

Then figure out how to change it

Self-awareness and knowledge

Teach kids to discern, self-sooth and self-direct.

Understand of the connection between interests and aptitude

What is your purpose in the world?

Leadership involves individual accountability and taking responsibility.

Civic leadership.

Taking care of our own situation and help others take charge of their own.  

Experiences to take initiative and be confident.

How to focus on what matters.

We need to teach kids how to research properly. They need to be focused on sustainability…find a niche and capitalize on research, interests and talents.

Just as our children need to be prepared to sail on uncharted territory, so we as parents and educators need to shed our old ideas and beliefs about the possibilities for our children’s future.

Their future is just that.  Their future.

It belongs to them and the more we tether them to old arcane education experiences and ideas, the less able and nimble they will be in responding to emerging trends and opportunities.

For more articles on Digital Age Education for Youth:

How the Leader in Me Offers Good Cyber Citizenship

For more thoughtful Discussions visit:

3 Moms and a Mike Radio, Discussions Regarding Social Issues Affecting American Families